Keeping the Spark Alive

Why do couples today have such a hard time keeping the passion alive?

Have we become victims of the modern world?  Shorter work weeks, living longer lives- do we simply have too much time to spend together- too much time to grate on each others nerves?

 One hundred years ago, the average life expectancy for a white male was 48 years and for a white female it was 51 years.

Even if they were married as teenagers, they knew that on average they only had thirty years together.

The average work week included six, twelve hour days with one day left over for worship and rest.

With so much time apart, who had the energy to fight?


Today that's a different story.  We have a lot of downtime.  Time that we fill with one another.  Time that when we were dating, we spent dreamily lusting for our partners, but now that we're married with children we often spend dreaming of a good nap.

So what are the best ways to keep that spark alive when you start to feel it wain?

1.  Don't let the kids sleep in your bed- this is a surefire way to make sure that you're not going to have any sex or true intimacy.  Now, we've all fallen into this trap from time to time, but you have to put your husband and his needs first once in a while (that's when you'll remember that you have needs too)!

2.  Change up the routine.  Sometimes sex becomes like a well choreographed dance- surprise him by doing something different.  You initiate.

3.  Take a walk together- exercise helps to boost the libido.  Now that the weather is starting to get warm again, it's the perfect time to start walking in the evenings (yes, you can bring the kids along).  This is a great opportunity to connect.  You can hold hands, talk and there are not the same old distractions that you'll find inside the house.


4.  Have dinner just the two of you (no kids, no cell phones, no tv).  Sometimes a date night is out of the question- so here's the deal... Feed the kids and put them to bed.  Then have dinner with your husband.  Eat at the table, take your time.  Enjoy a glass of wine.  Clean up together.

5.  Communicate.  It's important to remember that no matter how long you've been married, he's not a mind reader.  Tell him what you are thinking, don't assume that he already knows.  (this goes for in the bedroom as well)

"Women have a wonderful instinct about things.  They can discover everything except the obvious."  Oscar Wilde